My name is Lorna and I live with my Mom. My main goals are to keep her life meaningful, and to keep her safe as we journey to those final days. I am a caregiver.
I am a Caregiver
This defines me right now, and I have accepted this role out of duty to my family, but also with humility as I understand the strength and dedication of all those other caregivers in the world.
There are substantial rewards, but the daily frustrations, hard labor, and difficult decisions can be overwhelming, and until a person accepts this role, it is difficult to appreciate what other caregivers go through.
When I got married, we moved to a town where I knew no one, except my in-laws. I was invited to a get-to-know-you party, and we sat around a table full of baked goods and potato salads as the ladies gossiped and traded recipes. There were pats on pregnant bellies, and pictures of grandchildren were being passed around. A corner of ladies complained about their doctor visits and described each painful symptom in detail.
To me, the conversations were mundane. I had just spent four years in a college atmosphere, talking about worldly gains and quantum advancement. I was a part of “the solution” and eager for an exciting, meaningful life.
Taking an assessment of the happenings around me, I remember thinking to myself, “is this what I have to look forward to as a married woman?” I was living “The Perils of Mrs. Pooter”. , . of the 1900’s.
I was trying hard to be pleasant, so I smiled and nodded when appropriate. I admit, I was full of disdain and being pretty arrogant about these “common people”. I was twenty years old, but full of pride and the false sense of knowing what my place in the world was all about.
Well, Gladys was sitting alone in a wheelchair, facing the window and pretty much being ignored. For a moment, I thought I should go over and sit by her, but then her circumstance made me uncomfortable, too. “Is this what I have to look forward to when I’m old?”
I watched as her daughter brought her a plate of food and began feeding her slowly, talking to her gently with each spoonful. She wiped her chin and offered her a sip of coffee after each bite. She patted her hand and smiled often.
Ummm…
It’s like God decided to hand me everything in one day. I started scanning the room – my mouth was probably open – as it occurred to me then, that I had a new lifestyle now, and was in the midst of witnessing the manner in which this type of life travels through time. Each phase has its purpose, and somehow I knew this was my future.
Well, here I am.
I never really understood that moment, and there is no way I could have fully appreciated what Gladys’ daughter was dealing with every day. As in all things, one has to experience in order to know. But I have fulfilled that vision of my future as I sit in the corner with my Mom, feeding her spoonfuls and being her companion.
I am so much older now and I hope I have gained knowledge through these many years. Now, I am a caregiver. I am looking at this role as an opportunity to learn about my heritage. I am seeking spiritual enlightenment as we both prepare for the inevitable “final days” we have to spend together.
I pray for guidance and for knowledge to perform the tasks given to me, and hope my intuitive decisions are the right ones. And, I am full of gratitude and acceptance as we journey down this path.
Comments and observations are welcome. If you have an experience to share, please do so freely.